Today, I move to Sacramento.

People keep asking me how I feel. I stumble on my words a bit, and I’m not able to meet them with a meaningful answer. I'll say the superficial answer of "I'll miss you guys. The people here, the weather, and the beach." But I am a human walking in the absolute knowing that our emotions hold depth, so I highly value one's ability to bravely and openly share the truth of how one feels. This is not something that was taught to me by my caregivers or teachers. However, I have come to an understanding of the power and innate beauty that exists when you share how you feel, despite fear or the unknown. And the superficial answer I was reluctant to share when people asked me how I was feeling just wasn't going to cut it. If I were to give an answer that accurately reflected the state of my mind at that time, perhaps I would have remained silent because my mind seemingly was stuck on a continuous 'loading' screen, failing to make sense of what I had been feeling over the last few weeks. And this makes sense, because the truth is, I didn't really know how I was feeling. Until I sat down and typed this article together, my awareness hadn't been able to properly process all of the emotions I was experiencing into one smooth cognitive experience. As it turns out, there were several unique and different emotions at play on my psyche, and each impacted the comprehension and absorption of the others. And in order to properly express myself now, it's not a short answer. So, for those who have asked how I'm feeling, here's your answer.

Leading the pack, is excitement. If you've known me during my time in San Diego, and we've landed on the subject of where we want to live in the future, then you've probably heard me say, "I feel like San Diego isn't for me." Sacramento is a step in the right direction. I am excited to experience different sights, culture, people and lessons. I welcome change with open arms and trust in my intuition.

Not far behind is mourning. I mourn from the limited goodbye to the people, restaurants, and experiences in San Diego. To all the faces I was not able to see, or bodies I was not able to hug, I‘ll miss you. I mourn for the social interaction of living in close quarters with your friends, best friend, and pet-friends, and getting to witness some of Leo’s innocent accidents with contagious laughter. And finally, I mourn for the grounding and healing exchange with the glorious ocean and exuberant sunset.

I feel anxious. How will living with mom and dad be at 25? Will I get my space? Will I feel trapped? The nature of anxiety is worrying about something unknown, so only time will tell for these questions. But as I reflect, it’s probably going to be some trial and error in the beginning as us three get accustomed to living together again after a long break. I also have to realize that, although my parents are excited to have me back, they may also be mourning their old way of living just the two of them. Open communication and boundaries will help us all maintain sanity and peace during this transition.

And finally, I feel grateful. I am grateful for the support and protection from my parents that this move is accentuating and I appreciate them being eager to support me in a multitude of ways. I am grateful to have the resources that allow me the luxury of to quitting my job, taking time off, enjoying the holidays, moving closer to family, switching careers, and diving back into school. I am grateful for the people, sunsets, and lessons that I will cherish from my time in San Diego. The end of an era. Peace out SD!